Friday, June 25, 2010

there is a reason for everything

Everything before this was indignant. Everything after was apathetic. Until now, I write.

I ought to clarify that by "apathetic" it wasn't to everything, but to just the things that used to rile me. I learned how to live in different ways. To be indignant is to have morals, and to have morals is to have principles. To have principles is to believe in something.

I decided to believe anything, whatever I wanted, sticking to my gut and nature the whole way through. "Retroviral," I used to describe my principles. See what I'm determined for, past the restrictions of bigotry. Find my natural good nature, my innate need to believe in spirit, my limits and desires, lessons and faults.

I confess that the things I used to write about were biased. They, like all things biased, were based on principles. In this case, ones I believed to be of the ultimate, rational truth. I thought I was right.

By "apathetic," I mean that I surrendered my principles to the truth that everyone is right, even if you do the moral math. The left side, the right side, culture, the counterculture, mom and dad, everyone - especially if you do the math. Even yourself.

And truth is, I'm even apathetic about finishing, revising, rewriting, or doing any of that stuff right now. Apathetic because I am sticking to my gut.

I say I'll finish it some other time.